I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
