My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
