I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
