How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
