On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
