last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
