My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
