Who did Billy Mays play for?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
