Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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