My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
