Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
