Please, let me fuck your mom
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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