I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
