And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
