Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
They took my balls.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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