He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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