We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
