man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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