Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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