I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
