I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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