he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm passing your future prison.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
