Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
