brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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