I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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