This is not my ceiling
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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