"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
