why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
