I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
