Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
