is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
