never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
