that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
