bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
