Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
