Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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