No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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