He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
