im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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