I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
