I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
