Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
