Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
