addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
