she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't deserve a penis
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
