I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
