1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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