thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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