Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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