Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
